Growth Through Pain
May 2024
"For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations" (Psalm 100:5).
Dear Praying Friends:
One year ago today (as I write this), the elders of the church we had been attending for a year asked us to “step back from attending worship for a season,” until a couple of conditions had been met. Realizing that we could not fulfill their conditions in the foreseeable future, Dori and I knew that, in effect, we had been barred from worship indefinitely.
This sudden announcement struck me with devastating force and triggered an emotional breakdown, the first in my life (I had had several physical breakdowns, but nothing like this). Two days later, I developed a severe stutter and a complete change in my voice. I have not yet recovered, though I am seeing some lessening of symptoms.
Despite being shattered, I held onto the truth that “All things work together for good for those who love God and are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). One obvious “good” was that the Lord provided for us another church, which we love and find to be most helpful to us in every way.
In November, Sally Ann, the wife of my brother Peter, died after failing to recover from a hip replacement procedure. Then, in early January, Peter suddenly succumbed to CoVid. Peter’s death was especially hard on me, because he had been my spiritual father, pastoral mentor, best friend (aside from Dori), prayer partner, and loving brother.
All who knew him agree that Peter was an extraordinary man of God and minister of the gospel. You may read a brief description of him in this essay. I preached at both his and Sally Ann’s funerals. Dori said that these were the best sermons I have ever delivered. For a video of the one for Peter’s service (an exposition of Ephesians 1), go to TPC Live Event | TPC Live Event | By Trinity Presbyterian Church Opelika | Facebook. The Scripture readings and the sermon start at 28:12 or so. (Ignore the sign-in prompt and just click on the picture. You may want to turn up the volume, because I frequently dropped my voice.)
For more than a month, I was overcome with grief. This magnified my trauma.
Benefits of pain
Though by no means do I think that we always know why God has allowed suffering into our lives, already I can see some spiritual benefits from these traumatic events. For one thing, I am growing in my understanding of myself, others, and our Lord Jesus.
Understanding myself
When she saw how emotionally undone I was, our daughter Sarah said, “Daddy, you need to see Dana, my trauma counselor.” As soon as I recovered from the initial shock, I made an appointment with Dana. To prepare for our first session, I thought I should write out a “trauma history,” similar to the kind of medical history that doctors like to have. I was surprised to discover that my life had been marked by both acute and chronic traumas, beginning in the womb and extending up to the weeks just before we had to leave our church.
Looking at this record, I noticed a major pattern and some minor ones. Basically, I came to understand my life in a new way and gained new insights into why I have been so anxious for so long. The old Greek maxim, “Know thyself,” took on new meaning for me. I am most grateful for this new insight. Dana has helped me further in our conversations.
Understanding others
Dana also introduced me to general information about trauma, opening a mostly new area of knowledge. Not only did I gain greater insight into my own anxieties and hyper-sensitized responses to some people, but I began to understand others, starting with Sarah but including more and more whom I encounter. I learned that a lot of folks around us suffer from the effects of both acute and chronic trauma. In the process, I became much more alert to this common experience and, of course, much more sympathetic and understanding.
In God’s providence, these events have provided new avenues for ministry, as different ones have shared their stories with me. Several have said that my devotional meditations at the beginning of the weekly prayer updates have become more helpful to them, also.
Drawing closer to God
Without minimizing the immense differences between the experiences of Jesus and my own, I also entered into a fresh awareness of his sufferings. Surely, he knew trauma of all sorts, from the inside! He can sympathize with us. And we can appreciate more keenly just how much he was willing to undergo in order to become our merciful High Priest and Savior.
“[Give] thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20). We dare not call bad things “good,” but we can confidently affirm that God can bring good out of bad things, the prime example being the Cross of Christ. At our most recent session, Dana told me that developing a habit of thanksgiving will gradually help me to regain emotional equilibrium. In addition to controlled breathing, exercise, sunshine, music, and connecting with others, I am trying to learn how to thank God for everything, even trauma.
Thank you so much for standing with us in prayer so faithfully and (most of you) for so long!
Yours in his fundamental goodness (Psalms 100:5; 118:1),
Wright